Its been almost 3 months already and I have been trying to write this blog for quiet sometime now. Today is my thatha's 77th birthday, but sadly, he is not around us anymore!!
Velu, as we fondly call him, was the most innocent human being I have ever come across in my life. He was a larger-than-life, vivacious, always energetic man with a loud voice and sparkling eyes. Though his voice was pretty loud, he is person, who goes out of the way to help people!
My thatha was an electrical engineer, who was retired from TNEB. He was a man of values, ethics and discipline. I have heard paati telling us stories about his work life when he was serving in Solayar. He was very straightforward, and was a person who always used to work on the ground! He is a person, who, on those old days, have climbed on the electric posts to analyze problems and have also brought the defaulters to notice by his incredible work. Till date, if there is no power supply anywhere in 5th Lane, Indira Nagar, one phone to the TNEB office from AE Ramaswamy would solve the matter!
I am his first grandchild. More than a grandpa, he was like a father to me. I am so filled with memories of him from when I was a small child. I still remember the days, when I was a baby, he used to take me to the Sai Baba temple to Mylapore just to see a cat there! Thatha always drove his bike around the city. For anything and everything, he just takes his scooty and goes out, doesn't matter which corner of the city. He is the most active thatha I have ever seen in my life!!
I remember a lot of things about thatha. Most memorable one is definitely, he dropping me and picking me up from school EVERY SINGLE DAY! This is something that he has done for me and my little sister always! Its not only that, when he picks us back from school, he will always take us to the Adyar Bakery and buy something for us to eat first, and then only he takes us home. Its one blessed life we had!
Thatha had this habit of honking his bike as soon as he enters 5th lane. The whole street will know that Ramaswamy has now entered the street :) He spent most of his mornings in the IOB bank, Indira Nagar, not only for his work but to do all the neighbor's work also! EVERYBODY in the IOB bank knows Mr.Ramaswamy very well :)
Another good memory of thatha is, when I was in my 10th grade, we started looking for admissions for my 11th grade. That was the time when I had to sign admission forms etc. At that age, I was trying all fancy things for my signature (You see, we do all crappy stuffs at that age!) and when I was going to sign on one of the forms with that crappy signature, he gave me a nice thud on my head telling "Your signature must have your name clearly, otherwise its not a good signature". Grumbling, I changed my signature to my regular name with a tilt, and till date, that is my signature, never changed it after that!
There have been many many incidents where thatha has come to my rescue. I had to go to school, which was in Mylapore, from Madipakkam, I used to take a bus, come to Adyar and thatha used to drop me to school from there! He never had any issues about traffic, or going all the way till Mylapore, never once! He was the best! There is absolutely no replacement!
Anyone who knew my thatha knows of his generosity, work ethic, humility and selflessness. He demonstrated these traits again and again through both his career with the TNEB, and his part time turned full time job after his retirement. Whatever thatha was involved in, he made sure that it was done the right way. He never cut corners, and always made sure others were happy. We used to call him the "Indian thatha" for his approach with the government officials! He continued this even as he lay in bed in the hospital, asking my maama, amma, chithi or paati about the bills, insurance, bank accounts etc!
The first thing Velu does after waking up from bed is switch on the TV for news or the music system with some spiritual songs (real loud ones). When thatha was at home, the News channel is always screaming but he is never in front of the TV. He switches the news channel on and goes away to some other room. Oh, how many times have we fought with him for the TV remote!! Sorry about that thatha, never had a chance to say sorry to you! :(
The support I have received from thatha throughout my 30 years has been truly amazing. I can’t recall a function, or any event of mine in which he wasn’t there. He was always there to support and cheer me on. In fact, from the day I was born, my sister was born, my son was born, I got married, my admissions happened, my first job etc, everything has been monitored and taken care by my thatha! Thank you thatha for being around! I know, I should have told you this when you were around! :(
Thatha was not a person who fell sick very often. But over past 2 years, he has gone through a lot. Although thatha leads the way to everything, he was always scared of doctors, medicines and hospitals! When he started to decline, he declined quickly. Within a matter of months he became frail, tired, weak. He became everything he wasn’t before. His booming voice quieted to a whisper.
When I arrived to see Velu in the last week when he was in the hospital, Me and my chithi were the ones to hold his hands , strong in our hands, like he had done with me since I was small enough to pee in his lap. I couldn’t hold him for long enough, though. We talked (in sign language) about what he wanted to talk about — and definitely NOT about the fact that I would likely never see him again. I brought up jovial memories for him to weakly smile at, and my eyes betrayed me to tears on more than one occasion. He was clearly physically uncomfortable the whole time, too skinny, too frail. But, even at that stage, he was very happy to see my son, his first great grandchild, waving at him and talking to him!
It was hard, and tearful, to say goodbye. Velu was uncomfortable and needed to rest. Also, what do you say to someone you won’t be seeing again? “See you later!” is out. “Talk to you soon!” is gone. I settled for a blubbery “I love you,” but it didn’t feel like enough. I find it hardly ever does, actually.
For almost 3 months, I have bottled my emotions up. I remained oblivious to the fact that he is gone, that there will never ever be another thatha. But today, as I sit here trying to deal with his loss by writing this I realize there is no way I can possibly deal with it right now. Maybe over the years, maybe never. But for now, I have his countless undying memories and I have him very close to my heart. And so I write this, and as tears fall again I realize how unresolved it all really is. But it doesn’t have to be resolved, I tell myself.
So goodbye, Velu, again. I love you, I miss you. Thanks for leaving your mark on my heart! I am sure you will be around, watching us over!
Your ever-loving grandchild!
